Wakka: Son of the Devil!
by Eric and Derek
Summary: Wakka discovers he's the antichrist and has to spread chaos and destruction. Rated "T" cuz I thought that the antichrist and armageddon might be adult themes. Chapter 4 is up! It's called snow bunnies and if you want to know anymore, you're gonna have to
1. Wakka the Antichrist

**A/N: **This is rather odd, basically Wakka is the antichrist (like Damien) and has to prepare the path for the devil. You'll never look at Wakka in the same light again.

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**7th April 2005**

**Wakka the Antichrist**

"What can we do with him?" asked a worried voice, "Should we just leave him somewhere?"

"No! We can't do that! Have you no heart, ya? Anyway, what if somehow he survives, no one would be able to control him! No, we have to keep him, supervise him, and then maybe…if he is brought up right… he won't…." replied a second, "We must keep him, for everyone's sake…. And for his parents"

They looked down at the innocent looking bundle in the cot beside them. A small infant looked back at them with two dark brown eyes. A thin tuft of orange hair was just visible.

"You're right." said the other, with a hint of fear in his voice, "Wakka deserves the best chance." As if on cue, the small child gurgled and giggled.

"Nooooooooo!" Wakka woke, suddenly. All the others jumped out of bed, reaching for their weapons.

"Are you alright, Wakka?" inquired a concerned Lulu.

"Yeah, just had this really weird dream, ya? I was this baby and I think there were some people from Besaid there talking bout me…"

"Honestly, Wakka! You woke us all up, scared us half to death with worry, all because you had a dream that wasn't even frightening!"

"Well, yeah, but it was at the time-"

"No buts, Wakka. Go back to sleep!"

Everyone shuffled back to his or her beds, as did Wakka. He knew not to aggravate Lulu, especially at this time in the morning. Instead, he muttered angrily to himself, wishing he were brave enough to stand up to her, but after lying for there for half an hour, he was too angry to get back off to sleep.

Kicking off his sheets, he stormed off angrily but stealthily from the campsite, which made him looked rather like he was some kind of hunchbacked ape. They were currently camped in Macalania woods. He liked it there, it was quiet and peaceful, and the lake was beautiful at night. He decided to go there; maybe it would calm him down a bit. He sat by the side of the huge mirror of water, and stared at his rippling reflection, when suddenly he felt drawn by the water. He couldn't take his eyes off its glittering surface and then it happened. His reflection transformed before him, his pupils became those of snakes, his irises blood red; his ears elongated to a point; his teeth became fangs and his quiff split in twain, forming two horns. A deep and dreadful voice spoke through his reflections mouth, resounding with death and agony, "You." It said plainly, and his reflection contorted before returning to normal.

"Woah! What da hell was that, man!" Wakka exclaimed, seriously perturbed (as people often are when their reflection turns into the face of a demonic being and speaks to them.)

Then there was a rush of heat from behind him, and a crackling of flame. The atmosphere changed noticeably, from slightly disrupted peace to a peace that has been completely shattered and then melted. Slowly and cautiously, Wakka turned around, dreading what he was going to see.

"Err, you can look now." Said a deep, resounding voice. Wakka had covered his eyes with his hands. He cautiously peeked between his fingers, and then lowered his hands.

"Ooaah! I thought you were going to be something horrible!"

"Huh? You do not find me frightening? Not even a tad?"

"Not really, man…. sorry?" Now that he thought about it, it was a bit odd that he wasn't scared, for standing before him, wreathed in flames, was an 8-foot tall demon, with a rather large axe.

"Don't worry, you are the antichrist after all. I should have expected it. I am Hastur, Duke of hell, here to give you this message: "The time has come for you to walk the path that has been ordained for you."

"Err. What path. Hey! Wait a minute!" said Wakka, who, as Lulu said, is a little lacking in the imagination department, "What did you say I was?"

"You are the antichrist." Replied the Duke.

"Oh, phew! I thought you said I was the frantic rice! Man, you had me worried a minute there!"

"Oh, um, sorry…"

"No worries, ya. Hey, hang on…

"Yes?"

"Like, aren't you people supposed to have pitchforks?"

"… We long since stopped using them due to a large number of complaints from parents at Halloween whose kids had dressed up as demons. Apparently a large number of eyes were damaged so we had to recall all of the pitchforks so they couldn't blame us for setting a bad example, so now we use axes."

"Ah, I see. So, what you want me to do?"

"Well, you just have to spread the word that the dark prince is coming, and wreak lots of havoc while you're at it. You know, the fire n stuff."

"Ok, we all got a purpose, I reckon, an' I for one intend to do mine to the best of my ability!"

"Good, now go! Spread the word! Spread the havoc! Muahahaha!" laughed Hastur, who promptly disappeared in a roar of flame. So Wakka headed back to the campsite, ready and raring to spread evil and chaos.

"Wakka, where on Spira have you been? We looked everywhere for you, you had us worried!" Lulu's scolding greeted him.

"I don't have time now Lu! The dark prince is coming, and I gotta prepare the path for him, ya?" replied Wakka, who cast the most pathetic fire spell on a nearby bush. "Muahahaha! Flame and ashes will consume all!"

"What's up with him?" asked Tidus, as they watched Wakka's back retreating into the distance, "He seems a little odder than usual."

"I think he may have found out about his, err… genealogy," answered a very worried looking Lulu, "You see, he's kinda… the antichrist."

"Oh," said Tidus, "That explains a lot."

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**A/N:** Well there you go! Hopefully, another chapter will follow, depends whether Wakka destroys the internet. Please review, but please don't be too harsh! Constructive criticism welcome, what the hey, so's destructive criticism!Thanks, from Cyraxis and Nyviay. 


	2. Anger Management

Hi, thanks for any reviews! Here's the second chapter, and Wakka decides heneeds tosharpen up his act if he's going to be the antichrist.

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**11th April 2005**

Wakka: Son of the Devil- Chapter 2 

Wakka was in a very good mood. The sun was shining, there were pretty flowers all around him, and, best of all, he finally felt like he had a part to play in the huge cosmic game. He strolled along humming the Blitzball theme to himself without a care in the world… except... now that he was out here, he didn't really know whether he was cut out to be the antichrist. True, he had a secret love of fire, but he didn't have a clue where to start. Spira was so huge, and there was such a lot of hate and destruction to be handed out.

Finally, walking through the Calmlands, he saw the opportunity that could prove perfect for testing out his abilities. A chocobo and its rider were approaching. This was it. At last, he could prove that he wasn't just some second-fiddle character in Yuna's quest. He was no longer just the comic relief in a tale that was not his. He was Wakka, heir to the black throne, sired from the dark one, and son of the devil! At last, he could show everyone that was a person, he'd show Yuna, and Tidus, and best of all: he'd show Lulu! Now she'd respect him and see him for who he really is, maybe even grow to love him… anyway! This was it! He'd strike, now!

"Uh, hi. I'm Wakka, heir to the, uh, black throne, sired from the dark one, and, uh, son of the devil. I'm gonna take this chocobo and set you on fire now… so if you might want to get outta the way, ya?" he informed the chocobo rider, politely. _Well_, he thought, _I'd wanna be warned if some punk came round settin' me on fire!_

"Tch! Yeah, and I'm The Angel Gabriel!" replied the rider, tersely.

"Y-you're not frightened? Awww, man!" Wakka sighed, and sat on the ground. He promptly jumped up, cursing, and chose a less thistly place to sit, "Darn, spiky, dumb… PLANTS! Man… why was he not worried? Shudda given him a piece o' my mind!" he said, getting up.

He kicked the ground angrily, but forgot the thistle, which took advantage of his sandals. "Owwwww! You! -You! – Argghh!" At a loss for words, Wakka scorched (or rather lightly crisped- his magic wasn't to high) the offending plant.

_Wow_, thought Wakka, _maybe if I get angry enough, I'll be better at this whole antichrist business… _"Muahahaha" he laughed manically, feeling a lot more positive. Now he just needed to get angry…

Wakka tried a number of different theories. Firstly, he tried single-handedly taking on Shinryu in the monster arena. Unfortunately, this did not work, as he could only remember the first 15 seconds of the battle. The rest was just blank up till he had woke up in the arena's recovery room. He had then tried repeatedly speaking to the familiar looking man at the entrance slope to the Calmlands, but soon realised that he was in way over his head with that one. He slouched away after hearing "And that, as they say, is that," one too many times. The chocobo trainer caught his eye and he decided that trying to obtain Caladbolg might aggravate him sufficiently. Surprisingly, even that was a short- lived anger, as he then came across his favourite flower.

"Darn, I'll never get angry! Hallo, what's this?" Wakka noticed a sign that he had not seen before. By the entrance to the travel agency a notice had been put up, reading "_Anger management- enquire within_."

"Al-right! Finally! Woo!" Wakka cheered, receiving strange looks from Rin and the lady behind the counter. But then, wouldn't you stare at a ginger, hyper blitzer with a Jamaican accent who cheers at anger management signs?

Our "hero" found himself seated in a circle of rather odd looking people, in so far that they all were red, had bunched fists and wore frowns stern enough to fry hypellos. "Jeez, these guys don't look like they need anger management. I wish I was as angry as them. Don't be put off, Wakka! They've probably just bin doin' this a lot longer than you!" Wakka whispered to himself.

Finally, Rin walked in with his usual salesman's grin. "Hi! My name is Rin. I am honoured that you have attended my value course of anger management."

"RRRRRRRR! Your voice is so infuriating! Were here for an anger management course, not to buy your rubbishy Al-Bhed merchandise!" said one man, kicking his chair in rage, a large vein throbbing on his forehead.

"I would like to ask you to leave, I cannot help an Al-Bhed hater such as yourself." Rin replied, calmly as usual. "Please check out our great range of weaponry and armour on your way out. Your patronage is much appreciated."

The man stormed off, muttering something about Al-Bhed prices being hardly worth it.

"Now, let us continue. Firstly, I want you to each to stand up in turn and say a little bit about yourself. Let's start with you." Rin pointed to the man on Wakka's left, who stood up.

"'Lo. I'm Frank, I'm 47, and I'm here because I can't control my anger when it comes to chocobo racing. Whenever I bet I lose and it ticks me off big!"

"That doesn't explain why you're here!" Wakka exclaimed, looking confused, "Why do you need anger management if you already get angry? I think you're a bit confused, ya!"

"No, anger management is to make you less angry, mot to aggravate you, numbskull!"

"Whoa! Sorry, man! And, are you sure?"

"YES!"

"Oh. Darn… are you sur-"

"YESSS!"

"O.k.! I'm goin' already! 'N' I did know what anger management was… I was just testing to see if you knew… Oh, and Rin, I don't find your voice 'nfuriatin'. I find it quite soothing." He said as he left the room.

"Err, thankyou…"

_Thank goodness I thought fast, ya!_ Wakka thought, _They mighta thought I was_ _thick! _

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**A/N:** Hope you enjoyed it!****Please review, the 3rd chapter should be up soon. Cheers! 


	3. Herbert Haralily

**26th April 2005**

**A/N:** Hi, sorry I haven't updated for so long, I didn't have any good ideas. I still don't so I've put up some of my better worse ones. Anyways, please read, you might find it interresting! Wakka gets a sidekick, and learns a valuable lesson in being evil. please r'n'r!

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**Herbert Haralily.**

Wakka sighed as he left the Calm Lands. _Who am I kiddin'? I'm not cut out for this! _He thought to himself despondently. _Maybe I'll just follow my childhood dream of becoming ruler of the underworld… Yeah! I'll do that! Reckon I'd be good at being the Antichrist! _

So, our dim-witted hero, who suffers from short-term memory loss, set off up Mt. Gagazet, the ice topped holy mountain of the Ronso tribe, in his sandals.

"Phew! All these fiends are tough work! Maybe I'll take a break!" Wakka suggested to himself. "I know! I'll build a snowman! Booya!"

Soon, Wakka had the main structure of the snowman complete, he had even given it a name: Herbert Haralily. "Aww! Man, what da hell 'm I s'posed to used for his face… Ahah!" He rummaged around in his pockets for a while and finally brought out a pair of scissors. Very carefully, he cut of his large spike and stuck it on to Herbert as a nose. _Now I just need eyes and a mouth… hmm. What if I-_

A rush of searing heat rudely interrupted his thoughts and Hastur once again appeared before him.

"Wakka, how is the chaos goi- WHAT IN HEAVEN ARE YOU DOING!"

"We-well, there were loads of fiends, a-and I just stopped for a quick rest, and I-I do like snow s-so much-"

"That has to be the _best_ snowman I have ever seen! You need some eyes and a mouth now though! Can I help? C'mon, ugly please!" cried the enthusiastic demon.

"Y-Your not angry? Sure! C'mon!" Wakka replied, immensely relieved that he wasn't going to be eternally tormented.

"Err, what's happening to your hair?"

"What- _oh._ That. It regrows automatically when you cut it off." Said Wakka, dismissively.

"Hey, that's pretty neat!"

"It's a mixed blessing; would you believe that some women actually find my hair unattractive!"

"No!" cried Hastur, shocked, "But it's so, so… spiky!"

"I know!… Anyway! We must finish the snowman… Hey, you live in hell! How do you know how to build snowmen? They'd just melt!"

"Your father recognises the problem and grants everyone a free surface pass for the snowy season. Demons are renowned for their snowman making skills!"

"Wow! Hey, you have some coal, right?"

"YEAH!" Hastur reached into his beard and pulled out some coals. He caught the amazed look on Wakka's face, and said proudly "Master says that I'm very gifted!"

So Wakka and Hastur completed Herbert the Snowman, and began to do the snowman dance around him, like some kind of voodoo ritual, when they noticed that they were being watched.

"Erm, what are you doing?" spoke the posh voice that could only mean one thing.

"Seymour?" Wakka and Hastur cried together.

"Yes, it is I! The mighty Seymour! Maester of Yevon! Ruler of Spira! Here to reach the top of Mt. Gagazet before Yuna and her merry band of guardians so that I can fight and lose against them once more! Wait! Aren't you supposed to be with them?" the Guado asked, pointing a long finger at Wakka.

"Well, yeah… but, I left!" Wakka replied.

"What! _You_ left _them_! I thought that black mage would have kicked you out!"

"Hey! No way, man!"

"Oh well. Guess I can't be right _all_ the time, just _most_ of it!" said the self-loving Maester.

"Ahem!" Hastur coughed. "Seymour Guado! You are a disgrace!"

"Wha- Aaiiee! Hahah! Hastur! My old friend! So nice to see you aga-"

"Don't try to flatter me! You know I find that insulting! What a pleasant surprise this is, _worm_ _child_!"

"Oooh! That's mean!" Cried Seymour, hurt. "If there is anyway to make it up to you, anything at all."

"Err, make what up?" asked Wakka, curiously.

"This lettuce eating jelly monger promised that he would bake me a jam cake! He never did!" cried Hastur.

"I'm s-so sorry, sir! Please don't hurt me!"

"Hmmm. I will spare your soul, on one condition!"

"Just name it, oh gracious one!"

"What did I say just about compliments? Anyway, your soul may be spared _if_ you help Wakka the antichrist on his quest. Do you accept?"

"What's the quest?"

"To cause mayhem and havoc, spread the word of the evil one. The usual package."

"Ooooh! Me like! I mean. I suppose I shall help, if that is what I must do."

"Booya! I got a sidekick, ya!"

"Good! Now that Herbert is complete, I must go! Farewell, and hell-speed!" Hastur bid them goodbye, before vanishing in flames.

"Always was one for dramatic exits! Did you know, that they don't have to vanish in flames if they don't want to! They could just vanish, but _nooo_! They have to use _fire_!" said Seymour, with just a hint of jealousy.

"So, your Seymour." Said Wakka, intelligently.

"Yes, funnily enough. Hey, your kinda cute, I don't like the spike too much, though…"

"Man! Why don't any women like my hair?"

"Ahem, I am not a woman, merely a pansy! There's a subtle difference! Oh no!" Seymour said, looking at his digital watch. "You've made me late for my fight with Yuna!"

"Well, if we run really fast maybe-"

"Dear, dear! Now I see why Hastur wanted me to look after you! You haven't been doing this long, have you?"

"Not really, no…"

"Rule number one: Always make a dramatic, impressive, intimidating entrance! If you scare them in the first instant, then they're more likely to stay scared!"

"Oh! Well, that makes sense!"

"Ok. Now, watch and learn! I am going to summon a mortichus! It will have… hmm, claws! And… cast spells! And… be **_really_** big and clumsy!"

"Wow! I wish I had your imagination!"

"I know, it came from my mother's side."

So Seymour summoned the mortichus and fought Yuna and her guardians, who quickly dispatched of him and his monster. The Guado fell back down Mt. Gagazet to where Wakka was watching (he now had the amazing ability to zoom in and out, a powerful trait given to demons.)

"They kicked your jelly mongering ass, Seymour!"

"Hey! I hate being called that. Anyway! Have I taught you nothing in the short space of time I've been with you? It's not about whether you win or not, it's about whether you do it in _style_!"

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**A/N:** You gotta hate Seymour! Anyway, please review! Again, sorry the update took so long, I'll try and be faster next time! Promise! 


	4. Snow Bunnies!

**26th May 2005**

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**A/N:** Hiya! Sorry, I know it's taken me ages to update! And I know that I said that I'd update faster! But it's here now, Wakka the Antichrist, part the fourth! Expect randomness, crazy antiheroes, snow bunnies and Seymour bashing (Sorry any Seymour fans! I'm looking at you, Broken Yuna!). Thank you for the reviews on previous chapters! Please, tell me what you think about this one! I was running out of ideas for Gagazet, but managed one more...um, _interesting_ topic to happen on the mountain... Please review! My insanity depends upon it!

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**Wakka the Antichrist- Chapter 4… finally.**

"Ok, now that I've lost to Yuna and her companions, we may leave." Seymour said proudly.

"Yeah! Woo! Err… where are we going?" Wakka asked, looking very confused (as usual).

"I have to pay a visit to an old friend of mine. We haven't spoken in quite some time." Seymour replied, not really revealing anything. Fortunately, Wakka didn't notice as only half his attention was devoted to Seymour. The other half was staring absent- mindedly upward, transfixed by the hypnotising movement of the falling snow.

"Wow… beautiful…"

"What? A reunion of evil is hardly what I'd call _beautiful_! Infact, if it was beautiful it would undermine the whole point of the meeting! What the…? Have you broke your neck, you're stuck staring at the sky?" Seymour said irritably, annoyed that Wakka wasn't paying attention.

"No, it's just, the snow's just so captivating… like little white bunnies hoping gently downwards to fall to their fluffy doom…" said the brilliant poet that is Wakka, then, " sniff sob ."

"Oh, for goodness' sake, what's wrong now? Did a bunny land in your eye!" Seymour quipped, with liberal amounts of sarcasm.

" Sniff It's not that, man. Its just… sob _I don't want the poor fluffy bunnies to die!" _Wakka wailed in grief.

Seymour sighed, "They're not _really_ bunnies, you know!"

"How can you say that? Of course they're bunnies, look at them! Poor things, they don't even suspect what is going to happen, they just carry on hopping! They're gonna die… sniff and they don't even realise it!"

Seymour, at a loss for words as the broken ginger haired man broke down into tears and dropped to the floor, simply shook his head. '_Well,' he thought, 'This won't last long, surely, I mean, how long can a grown man cry at bunnies- I mean snowflakes! - Falling slowly to their doom… completely unaware of their fate… plunging ever downwards as their death rushes ever closer…' _

" Sniff " '_Pull yourself together, man! Wakka needs you to be strong in times like this!" _Seymour dabbed his eyes discreetly and spoke to the sobbing wreck that was Wakka. "… There, there?"

"There, there?" Wakka screamed, pulling himself to his feet, "_There, there! _Is that all you can say? We have to do something! We have to warn them!" Wakka turned away from Seymour and started running around trying to urge the snow- bunnies upwards, "Up, my friends! You must not reach the ground! If you touch it you will surely die! Can't you see the lifeless corpses that once where your fellow bunnies! No! Head back! Go up! Do you hear nothing of what I say!"

'_He's so courageous; he doesn't give up, even when they won't listen to him… I wish I was more like him…but we don't have time for heroics…"_

As Wakka began to tire and slow down his frenzied activity, Seymour placed a long hand gently on his back and spoke to him softly. "Wakka, there's nothing more you can do, you gave it your best, and now you have to move on, think about _your_ future."

"B- but, they'll die! I can't let that happen!"

"You must, it is what is destined to happen. We all must die; it'll just be a little sooner for them. Come on, let it go. Let it go…"

Our brave ginger haired hero turned away from Seymour. "I wish Hastur had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened!"

"So do all who live to see such times, but it is not for us to decide. All that we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."

Wakka dried his tear-blurred eyes and lifted up his head. "Ok. I'm ready."

And with that the two sensitive antiheros headed off up Mt. Gagazet, finally ready to put the horrific death of the snow-bunnies behind them. They quickly reached the crest of the huge mountain, after stopping briefly at the Rhonso camp to steal a few bags of sugar.

"What do we need the sugar for?" asked Wakka, for once right to be confused.

"Well, me and my friend didn't part on the best of terms… the bags of sugar are to give to her as a peace offering."

"Whoa, _her!_ Was she your _girlfriend?" _Wakka taunted, giggling childishly.

"NO! She was _not_ my girlfriend! Protested Seymour.

"Aww! She was, wasn't she? Is that why you need a peace offering, did you finish her?"

"She was not my girlfriend! I need the peace offering because I forgot to bake her a jam cake."

"Man, you forgot a lot of jam cakes…"

"Are you trying to say that I, _I_: Maester of _Yevon, _have a bad memory? I'm affronted at your- what was I saying? Oh no!" Seymour looked at his watch, "Damn! I missed my dental appointment. Now I'll have to ring and explain it all!"

"Oh well, let's go meet this friend of yours first, eh?"

"Yeah." Seymour said despondently, but after a few minutes he couldn't remember why, so he cheered up again to his (almost) normal self.

They headed down the other side of the mountain towards the ancient ruins of Zanarkand. Swarms of pyreflies weaved in and out of each other, their intertwining colours enough to make Joseph ashamed of his Technicolor Dream Coat.

"…Wow…" Wakka whispered in awe.

"…" Seymour didn't say, even he was stunned into silence.

They stood for a while and watched the pyreflies in the vivid orange light of the setting sun. Finally, Wakka spoke "So, this is Zanarkand… beautiful."

"Well, we should probably think about setting up camp soon. If my memory serves me there's a good site somewhere up ahead."

So the two headed off down the steep slopes towards the campsite, they had almost reached it, when…

"What was that, man?" Wakka asked Seymour in a whisper.

"What was what?" said Seymour, irritably, "And don't call me man!"

"Um… ok… Well, there was someone talking up ahead, there it is again! Can't you here it, ma- fine… Seymour."

"Thank you. Why yes, I suppose your right! Wow. Wakka is right… I must write _that _in my diary!" Seymour began rummaging in the space inside his over-large jacket. "I'm sure it's here somewhere- Wakka, have you seen my diary? Its neon pink, fluffy, with a lighter pink fluffy heart in the middle. No? Oh, well. It'll turn up!"

"Err… yeah…" Wakka said, suspiciously (he had picked it up when Seymour had fell off the peak of Gagazet when defeated by Yuna.) "Anyway, I'll scout ahead! Yeah! Wakka's back on da field!"

"Oh, dear good- sorry, evilness." Seymour whispered, "Well, if you get captured by the enemy, don't tell them that I've been working with you. I couldn't face the embarrassment…"

So Wakka crept along the path towards the sound of the voices. He stopped suddenly as the source of the noise came in to sight. Yuna and her guardians were sat around a campfire, and Tidus was telling a story with much enthusiasm. Wakka considered turning back and telling Seymour what he had seen, but that would be far too sensible for Wakka, so he hid behind a small boulder and hoped they wouldn't see him.

"So I slashed it with my sword once and it died straight away! Reckon it was 'cause it was so scared of me!" Tidus said, with lots of over zealous gestures that almost took Yuna's eye out.

"Actually, Tidus, the _badger _that you fought knocked you out in the third round." Auron corrected.

"Oh yeah? Well, one more round and I would have had him!" Tidus was starting to get a bit annoyed with Auron's lies. Mind you, his story _would_ explain the fact that Tidus had been in Kilika's infirmary for a week after the fight…

"Well, it's getting late! I think that's enough stories for one night!" Yuna interjected quickly, seeing that a fight was soon to break out, "Oh, and Wakka?"

"Yes? I mean no! I mean, how did you know I was here?"

"Well, your tuft was sticking out above the rock…" explained Lulu.

"…I knew that." _Second time today! Wakka, man, you can trick _anyone Our 'hero' thought proudly.

"Good for you. Now, I'd be honoured if you wanted to become my guardian again."

"I see! You lured me here to get me back as your guardian, huh? Thought you could trick silly old Wakka into coming back and helping you, eh? Well think again! I know your just trying to make fun of me! Well, I'm not falling for it! I'm not thick, ya!" and Wakka stormed off.

Seymour was sitting on a rock drawing with a stick in the dirt. He was very proud of his ground drawings. He had thought about drawing pictures of snow bunnies, but the pain was still too near…

Instead, he had drawn Yuna, himself, himself and Yuna getting married, himself, himself and Yuna with little Seymour Jr, himself and Yuna having se-

"Nooooo! My picture of Yuna and I having sewing lessons! Ruined! Why? You stupid oaf! You stepped on my art! Now it has imprints of your sandals all over my face!"

"Oh, sorry, man- I mean Seymour! Seymour!" Wakka hastily added. "Anyway, that's not important; Yuna and her guardians are up ahead!"

"Nooooo!"

"What? It's not that bad…"

"You stepped on Yuna, too!"

"Oh, err, don't worry man, you were too good for her" (sure…)

"Your right. Who wouldn't want to marry someone like me?"

"Err, very few people, I'm sure… Anyway. We may as well keep going. We can cut around the campsite."

"Yeah. Ok… She had her chance, but noooo! She had to choose _Tedious_." Seymour mumbled as he shuffled along.

They reached the cloister of trials just as the light completely faded.

"Man, I hope they got lights in the Trials, ya!"

"Pah, the Trials! Who wants to be stuck in some stupid contraption with annoying tunes playing all night when you can just ring the doorbell?" So Seymour fumbled around in the dark for a while and, after he'd poked Wakka in the eyes several times, he found the doorbell. They waited for what seemed an age (but because they both have the patience of two year olds waiting to buy a new PlayStation game, it was only in reality 30 seconds) and finally there was a huge rumbling sound like thunder. A slice of the rocky wall moved aside and they were faced with a scantly clad woman who had lots of feathery things in her hair.

"Oh. You again." Said a very annoyed Yunalesca…

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**A/N:** Please review, nicely if possible, please don't be too harsh! Constructive criticism welcome, destructive criticism wouldn't be if it didn't have 'destruct' in it, but as it has, it sounds too cool to be banned. By the way, Ansazi Darkmoon, thanks for the idea! As you have probably gathered by the end of the chapter, I will take your advice! 


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